Over one year ago I discovered what love is. I discovered what it felt like to be scared for someone else and their life. Of course I have loved many people before this moment but this time it was different. This time I felt helpless, lost, terrified, overjoyed, ecstatic, and I was just overcome with the most insane amount of emotions. I didn't know it was possible to feel this much. I discovered what love really was on January 3rd, 2015. My nephew had been born.
Growing up I never wanted to have kids. The thought of having kids made me sick. I didn't understand who in their right mind would ever want to have kids. I think my parents having my younger brother and sister is what made me feel like this. I envied them. I almost hated them. I was 6, almost 7, when my brother Dane was born and thus I no longer was the baby of our family. My sister and I were sidekicks, best friends, and the closest sisters you could ever meet; Other than conjoined twins. I felt like the birth of my brother ruined that. We were no longer alone. Later on I became a babysitter for him 24/7. At least it felt like it. Then came along my young sister, Cailea. By then I knew I would no longer have life because I was stuck babysitting for the next 10 or so years. Basically I dealt with younger kids while I was still a kid and this took away from possible fun I would have been able to have if they weren't born.
I was sitting in my room by myself. I had just gotten off work so I had just changed into comfy shorts and an old t-shirt. My room had an old bunk bed in it that I use to share with my younger sister and I was awkwardly sitting on the bottom bunk when I got a call from my older sister. I was the first person my older sister, Chelsea, told she was pregnant to. She was terrified and had no idea what she was going to do or how she was ever going to tell my parents. She called me and said, "Caitlin you have to swear to me you are going to keep your mouth shut because no one knows what I'm about to tell you." and I proceeded to say, "Let me guess, you're pregnant?" she responded by saying, "How did you know?!" I was not prepared for her to respond this way. I was almost joking when I asked her. I told her I didn't know and that I was just guessing and she just didn't know what to do or who to call. I instantly got happy. I don't know why I was so happy for my sister who was clearly terrified but I just was.
Later on when it was time to tell my mom Chelsea had come over to the house and was sitting in my room with me when I finally got up and got my mom. I told her we needed to have a talk and that Chelsea needed to tell her something. My mom walked into my room and I said, "Close the door." she had a smug grin on her face and said, "What's going on?" I looked at Chelsea and started to chuckle a little bit. My mom still puzzled said, "What? What is it? Tell me." Chelsea looked at my mom funny and my mom said, "Oh my gosh, Chelsea are you pregnant?" Chelsea and I were laughing. I finally spoke up and said yes. My mom couldn't understand why I was so happy for my sister. I couldn't understand either.
Then it was time. We were at the hospital and Chelsea had been in labor since 6am. It was now around 4pm when they told us they were going to break her water and start pushing. I wasn't in the room because there was only two people allowed in. My sisters best friend, Vicky, was there too. We had only been sitting in the waiting room about 5 minutes before we decided to go downstairs and get some fresh air. It had been raining and the air was extremely wet. As soon as we got to the car my dad called me and asked where I went. Then he said we needed to get back upstairs ASAP because Chelsea was already done. 15 minutes later I met the most beautiful little boy named Cayson. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen.
I have always been there for my sister and Cayson ever since. He is my pride and joy and there is nothing else above him. I can't get enough of his ornery ways. He won't sit still for more than 5 minutes and that's if you're lucky but I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world. I am so thankful to feel a love like this.